In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
