update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
