I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
