I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
