I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
