3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
