My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
