quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
