the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
