Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
