Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
