u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
