would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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