Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
