well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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