You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
