So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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