I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
