It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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