You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
