A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
