I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
