Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
