whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
