i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
