woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
