There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
