Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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