So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
