I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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