i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
