I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
