I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
