sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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