So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
