Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
