I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
