I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
