Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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