just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
