so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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