just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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