i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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