Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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