I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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