I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My ATM looks so different sober.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
