I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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