omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
