This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
