you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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